The Key

I remember being 6 weeks pregnant and seeing my baby's heartbeat flicker on the monitor. Finally, I was give the opportunity to feel like a woman again and carry my husbands baby. Danny and I were so excited and had no worries. I mean, what could possibly have gone wrong? That same week I started spotting and returned to the doctor. I expected to hear the doctor tell me, Mrs. Guzman spotting can be normal this early in pregnancy and the heartbeat is still strong you have nothing to worry about. But when he performed the ultrasound there was no heartbeat. They sent me to the hospital for an emergency ultrasound. Danny and I prayed so hard that day. We thought for sure when we they performed the second ultrasound there would be a heartbeat. After all, we prayed and had faith right? All we needed was faith like the size of mustard seed and it would be enough to save my baby, right? I've been Christian all my life, for sure God would come through and save the day, right? A week later they performed a D&C to remove the dead fetus. I walked around with a dead baby inside me for a week. And no matter how hard I prayed God didn't save my baby. This was my first pregnancy and my first loss. I would love to tell you that every time you pray mountains move. That if you confess it with your mouth the miracle will happen. That if you fasted for three days God will miraculously respond with whatever you asked Him for. I'm sorry but I cannot write this blog and tell you those things are always true. However, I can tell you that when you pray He hears you and responds according to His will. At times, His answer is silent because deep within your heart He has already given you an answer. Or at other times He prepares you beforehand to confront whatever you would have to be face in the future. You see, prayer isn't a magic trick. Prayer isn't an illusion that opens the doors all the doors you want to open and always pulls out the rabbit out of the hat. Prayer is a key. But understand that not all keys open all doors. Prayer is the key that opens the door to the will of God. It will never open a door outside His will. Why? Because the doors outside His will do not require keys. The doors outside God's will are always open to all those who would rather have it their way. It's always easier to follow our own plan. It takes a man or woman of consistency and commitment to fervently pray and utilize the keys of the kingdom. It's hard to patiently wait on a response from God as opposed to responding to ourselves. It's also very easy to find another source to respond to us because everyone has an opinion on everything. And so, many times we react prematurely while the key maker is still working on customizing our set of keys. Till this day I do not know why God has allowed me to lose both of my babies. I am not writing these blogs because I have all the answers and my life is perfect. I struggled myself to understand why prayer wasn't miraculously changing those series of events. It is not that God does not want to always save the day! It is not that He does not want to heal your child from Cancer or heal you from HIV. He is not sitting on the throne rejoicing at your pain and nor is He ignoring your loss. He is working things in motion to avenge you. He is returning one day and all your pain and all your loss will be avenged! He will establish justice and order. You may still say it's not fair in the present and you're right. It isn't fair and we shouldn't have to face such tragedies. But until justice is served let use our key to move according to the will of God. To move the mountains that are standing between us and God's will. To confess all that is true and pure. To fast and purify our bodies from the weight of depression and all this world wants to throw on us. Be encouraged in your trial you have the key to communicate with God. Matthew 5:3-10 3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. 5 Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. 6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. 7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. 8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. 9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. 10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Love, Zuleika