Jesus is in the business of changing lives, and this is my story on how He changed mine. As a young girl, I had big dreams of becoming a doctor and helping those who were hurting, suffering and in pain. Yet, little did I know I would be the one in need of a doctor. At the of age 7, I was sexually abused. I was broken, abused, afraid and felt alone with nowhere to turn, but my own solitude. The abuse continued through the year and in my mind something had to be done so it would stop. At the age of 8, I stood up to my abuser and said "NO", this will not happen again. He threatened to tell my family and friends about what I had done, let's repeat that... what I had done, because in his eyes it was my fault. I stood my ground and said, "you do what you have to do, but it stops here." At that moment God gave me the courage and boldness to confront what had me in tremendous fear for such a long time. From that day on, I was never touched or harmed by this individual again. To many, this might be hard to believe but I didn’t hate him, I only saw him as someone who needed help. Forgiveness came into that room the moment I said NO. As I started to think about what happened that day, God told me that "The Esther" in me was awakened! I felt a freedom full of new strength and courage in me that I never felt before. Yet, something was still missing.
Many years went by and at an 8th grade group discussion, Jesus was the focal point. A friend told me about God and who Jesus was. I was intrigued and wanted to have what she told me I could have, salvation, unconditional love, peace, joy and the list went on and on. My car ride home after school was full of thoughts about Jesus and how much I wanted to be His friend. When I got home I went straight upstairs to my room, put my book bag down beside me, knelt down and prayed. At the age of 13, I gave my life to Christ. He was the missing piece to my puzzle. I started to weep uncontrollably and felt an overwhelming love that could be felt throughout the entire house. The peace was as if a sweet spring wind had embraced me like never before. Freedom was felt as worries & fears where lifted off my shoulders. I was truly SAVED by the one that sacrificed his life for me, Jesus! But without spiritual guidance I ended up in places and surrounded with people that were not of God.
As I got older, I entered a relationship that would take me into a deep depression that only God could get me out of. The relationship was emotionally and sexually abusive. I constantly found myself walking on eggshells and having to be extremely careful about the things I would say to not upset him. Gaslighting was a manipulation technique he often used to make me doubt my own mind. He would say or do something, then manipulate me to believe that he didn't. In reality he was putting me in a place where in my mind, I couldn't be trusted or remember things correctly.When he sexually abused me I felt my life was over.When you fare in a situation repeatedly saying NO and a man continues to do what he set out to do is Rape. I would never want anyone to be in that situation. It took me time to call it what it was, Rape. After, he took me home and I ran to my room and cried. I was no longer conscious of my surroundings, I’m sure my cries were heard outside my four walls. He texted me a few hours later saying “You Raped Me.” I froze to a point that I didn’t even know if I was alive or in a horrific dream. Again, this was him trying to manipulate the situation. When I didn’t respond, he called. At this point he was the one afraid, because his conscience was getting the best of him.
I can best describe my state as a trance and completely disregarded my worth. When I realized that I began to lose myself and who I was, I knew something had to be done. I felt like a nobody, I was insecure and hated myself. I fell into depression, everything and everyone were zoned out of my mind. I cried myself to sleep for months, but God was in the midst of it all. I was only seeing pain and lost sight of God. My comfort during hardship, neglect and pain were God’s declarations over my life.Forgiving him was not easy but do you know that when you forgive someone you don't necessarily have to keep him or her in your life? This is something God had to teach me. Remember, He told me at a young age I was strong, courageous and bold. Reminding myself this, gave me back what I needed to walk away and never look back! I started to see myself the way God sees me, strong, beautiful, and full of purpose.
For the past few years I have been passionate in helping others without a voice. Sex Trafficking is when women, young girls and men are trafficked for the purpose of sexual exploitation. Being enslaved is not humane and this is an issue God has put on my heart for quite awhile. With any and/or all the resources at my disposal, I will help seek justice for these individuals as much as I can. My most powerful resource is being in Prayer. I will never know what they go through, but I know abuse. It's not by chance you’re reading this. Remember, the devil only attacks what he’s threatened by and you are a force to be reckoned with! Contrary of what the enemy says you are not alone! You are here for such a time as this! Esther 4:14 says," For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. Who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?"
Like Esther, you have been strategically positioned at this moment, to carry out a purpose. Esther’s people were sentenced to death, but she was willing to risk her life for them. She withstood the heat and did one of the most courageous acts found in the Bible. She stood up for what was right and was a prime example of serving others while under pressure and difficult circumstances. You have that POWER too! Don’t let the enemy take your identity! You are a child of the most high, full of purpose, strength and greatness! I am grateful for my story, because it has made me the courageous woman I am today! Although, I never became the doctor I wanted too when I was a child, I believe I have become a different kind of doctor. My story may be the balm and medicine for someone’s hurt and pain. Today, God continues to give me an overwhelming love and peace that surpasses all understanding. "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7
Stay Strong, Stay in the Fight and Walk in VICTORY!