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Healing through my darkest time!

My name is Alison. I grew up in church. I went to preschool at my church, grew up in all of the programs they had and participated heavily in ministries. I knew all of the church lingo. What to say, how to say it and when to say amen and raise my hands in surrender during worship. My relationship with God was come and go. I would come and go to God as many issues in my life surfaced. I knew how I needed God and that He was the only one who would be able to make my life complete. However, the older I became in my adolescence, the more empty and ignorant I became towards God because of what my life had become.

I was sexually abused by someone I should have been able to trust for most of my childhood. When I was younger I didn’t know what to make of it. I was so young and confused but as I got older I started to ask God, "why is this happening to me and why isn’t it being stopped?" I struggled for years, became suicidal, stopped eating and became extremely introverted. I couldn’t be alone with any man I knew because of fear. It hindered many relationships in my life both platonically and romantically. It wasn’t until I went on my first missions trip that God began to heal me. I thought I was seeking God, but it wasn’t until the group I went on the trip with started doing daily devotions that I realized I was only seeking myself. I was able to open up and allow God to heal me. I talked about my trauma and how I was holding on to anger and how it was negatively affecting my life.

I was able to realize I wasn’t alone and many people I knew in my life had been through the same. It wasn’t until I made myself vulnerable to God and trusted Christ followers that I was able to begin healing. God took my trauma and turned it into something beautiful and that meant the world to me. He was able to heal young girls and women through my testimony. I have been on many different mission trips and every time my traumatic experience was turned into a beautiful testimony. With every beautiful testimony came more healing. I went from not even being able to look men in the face to being able to create relationships with all kinds of people.

The last bit of healing I needed came when God gave me the strength to forgive my abuser and to have compassion for them because they need God the way I needed Him. Truly serving God has brought me many meaningful relationships and much peace and happiness. I am now married and coming up on my one year anniversary. (yay us!) I also have a beautiful son. I never thought I would make it to this point of my life. But because of God and His powerful mercy and grace I was able to grow. I was able to be loved by a man who loves me like I have never experienced. It was because of God I am able to enjoy and love my child the way he deserves.

Throughout this whole process of working through my trauma there were two verses that I stood upon. Hebrews 6:19 “I have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.” And also Philippians 3:12-14 “I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” [Emphasis mine].

These two verses have guided me through my life in Christ constantly reminding in trying times that God is and will always be my anchor and that no I am not perfect, nor will I ever be, but I still strive to be like Christ on a daily. Now more than ever does that last verse resonate with me. Making myself stronger in Christ daily so I can be the best mother to my son and the best wife to my husband. I love my God and I thank him for everything that I have been through. For taking my darkest hours and turning it into the light of my life.

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